School is tomorrow...
While fresh acne is scabbing over and I'm in the middle of "my moon" (Hey, some of you can relate to me, I bet--that's why I tell you that stuff. HA HA) I'm so ready to go back I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'm tired of the summer heat. I want the orange leaves and frost. I want to see my crazy-ass friends and learn shit.
I have plans this year. But the thing is, I know that they will, as always, be confronted by what I call the "Not everything goes as expected Law." I've been becoming more familiar with this law over the last few years. I keep forgetting about it and then it smacks me in the face when I make some significant plans and they don't go the way I want them to. This law doesn't apply as much when I expect something negative to happen and instead i get something positive. It's just usually me trying to control my life, and somehow it gets thrown askew.
Is that just me, or do you guys get that sometimes, too? Because I know people who are..um...perfect in every meaning of the word, and I swear to Goddess, whatever they plan works out (do a degree, to be realistic).
Once I planned a camping trip. I invited twenty people, six showed up. Instead of staying two nights, we stayed one. When we got home, the four remaining guys were suddenly invited back at my house, and they all spent the night, and shit.
I'm not saying everything went wrong. I just wonder, if I plan to change my attitude during the school year, or if I plan to get a job while I don't own a car (or even drive. Permit procrastinators, unite!), could it work out if I really try, or will it still fall apart?
If I try to slowly distance myself from a long-time friend who's been neglecting me, will they notice and will things change?
I'm ready for the future, for change. I practically crave it. It's just so...difficult to tame. But that doesn't deter me. I think about all the things I want to do in the next few years and that's when I'm reminded that life is so damn good. I am gifted, I am loved, and I'm alive. That should be my new mantra...my current one is "Whut the fuck." Haha. But seriously, those of you having it rough, you have to remember that you are in control. It's all up to you. Sure, not everything goes as expected, but that should be the least of our worries. : )
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Me want go live in jungle! Shark bait oo-wa-ha!
** Caution: bad language. **
Welp, a week of "summer" left. I'm actually fairly happy that it's coming to an end. I'm ready to start my last year of school. I think my favorite time of the year is when all the leaves are golden, and everyone's getting ready for Halloween. Fire pits in the back yard, hanging with friends on the front porch having coffee, setting up the school Haunted house...it's all just great.
I think I have a pretty good plan for after high school. I'm going to find a job and work my ass off and save up as much as possible. Live in a car or at my parent's if I have to. Hey I'm not saying living with them is bad or anything, no. I love my family to death. But I can't stay with them forever. I really want to move out, I just don't know where too. Anyway, I'm going to work for maybe a year or two, hopefully sell some artwork on the side, and once I have enough I'm going to take off and travel. There are some places I need to go to in particular where there's people I want to see. (Long-distance friends and my older brother and his family, in case you were wondering. Haha)
After that, I'm pretty sure I'll have a good idea of whether or not to pursue college or not. I can't decide that shit now, what the hell do I know? I mean, I think I need to be free of school first and be out into the world first, just to see what my path looks like, you know?
I just wonder how some of the kids I know DO it, be so dead-set in what college to go to and all that. Maybe that's just their nature, and that's cool. It just kills me, man, 'cause we're so young. It even freaks me out to see some highschoolers driving around 'cause they don't look a day over fifteen or something. Do we have to rush into adulthood that fast?...
Maybe I'm being silly. But you know you miss those forts you made out of your mama's sheets. Hahaha..
It's really nice outside right now...dark and rainy with a little thunder. : )
I wish that all of us had more time to appreciate our surroundings, you know? Just be outside and be thankful. Everyone is so caught up in worry and possession. What if all of us were stripped of our houses, our belongings, those beloved iPods and cell phones and x-boxes? Just clothes, food, and tools. And no money! That'd be...incredible. Nothing to feel greedy over. Ah shit, I almost went into the whole stone-age fantasy. Haha, SHIT.
It'd sure as hell be simple, wouldn't it? Look, I know it's never gonna happen nation-wide, trust me I'm well-fucking-aware. Can't keep me from dreaming though, kay?...
I'd like to live a really simple existence, meaning few material possessions, little demand for money or fuel. Maybe grow my own food, when I find a permanent home... and honestly I don't know if that'll happen or not with what I have in mind after HS...though I doubt some friends would let me go homeless. Some. I bet the others would laugh, just like I would laugh. Kay I'm kidding. But I know them. Or at least I think I do...
The point is, I'm just the kind of person that would rather live in a grass hut than in a huge fancy house with all this expensive junk. I that's just...ugh, one of the things that irk me the most. Rich people. God bless all of mankind but come on, why do they need so much shit? Don't they know it could go elsewhere, where it can benefit people that could really use it? Like research facilities for cancer, or people in poverty? Dear God, save the honeybees or something!
Alright...getting off subject.
...So I watched Casino for the first time tonight...nehee.
Welp, a week of "summer" left. I'm actually fairly happy that it's coming to an end. I'm ready to start my last year of school. I think my favorite time of the year is when all the leaves are golden, and everyone's getting ready for Halloween. Fire pits in the back yard, hanging with friends on the front porch having coffee, setting up the school Haunted house...it's all just great.
I think I have a pretty good plan for after high school. I'm going to find a job and work my ass off and save up as much as possible. Live in a car or at my parent's if I have to. Hey I'm not saying living with them is bad or anything, no. I love my family to death. But I can't stay with them forever. I really want to move out, I just don't know where too. Anyway, I'm going to work for maybe a year or two, hopefully sell some artwork on the side, and once I have enough I'm going to take off and travel. There are some places I need to go to in particular where there's people I want to see. (Long-distance friends and my older brother and his family, in case you were wondering. Haha)
After that, I'm pretty sure I'll have a good idea of whether or not to pursue college or not. I can't decide that shit now, what the hell do I know? I mean, I think I need to be free of school first and be out into the world first, just to see what my path looks like, you know?
I just wonder how some of the kids I know DO it, be so dead-set in what college to go to and all that. Maybe that's just their nature, and that's cool. It just kills me, man, 'cause we're so young. It even freaks me out to see some highschoolers driving around 'cause they don't look a day over fifteen or something. Do we have to rush into adulthood that fast?...
Maybe I'm being silly. But you know you miss those forts you made out of your mama's sheets. Hahaha..
It's really nice outside right now...dark and rainy with a little thunder. : )
I wish that all of us had more time to appreciate our surroundings, you know? Just be outside and be thankful. Everyone is so caught up in worry and possession. What if all of us were stripped of our houses, our belongings, those beloved iPods and cell phones and x-boxes? Just clothes, food, and tools. And no money! That'd be...incredible. Nothing to feel greedy over. Ah shit, I almost went into the whole stone-age fantasy. Haha, SHIT.
It'd sure as hell be simple, wouldn't it? Look, I know it's never gonna happen nation-wide, trust me I'm well-fucking-aware. Can't keep me from dreaming though, kay?...
I'd like to live a really simple existence, meaning few material possessions, little demand for money or fuel. Maybe grow my own food, when I find a permanent home... and honestly I don't know if that'll happen or not with what I have in mind after HS...though I doubt some friends would let me go homeless. Some. I bet the others would laugh, just like I would laugh. Kay I'm kidding. But I know them. Or at least I think I do...
The point is, I'm just the kind of person that would rather live in a grass hut than in a huge fancy house with all this expensive junk. I that's just...ugh, one of the things that irk me the most. Rich people. God bless all of mankind but come on, why do they need so much shit? Don't they know it could go elsewhere, where it can benefit people that could really use it? Like research facilities for cancer, or people in poverty? Dear God, save the honeybees or something!
Alright...getting off subject.
...So I watched Casino for the first time tonight...nehee.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Why it is a tradgedy that it's hard to be friends first
***I'm gonna start posting warnings at the top here for those of you who are allergic to bad language...So. Warning: bad language.***
____
Me being a hormonal boy-crazed banshee that also happens to know the difference between reality and just plain-stupid cinematic romance, this crosses my mind a lot.
Mostly because, I'm just saying, the kind of guy I'M into is practically an endangered species.
Anyway, while I frikkin' love movies like '50 First Dates' and stuff where sometimes they instantly fall for each other, I can't help but loathing how some kids strive for that.
I learned the hard way that it's absolute bullshit.
If I know someone who's got a new significant other that they've only known a short while, I congratulate them and then find the nearest bathroom to vomit. Kay not really but that's my attitude towards this situation.
I understand it's hard to hold back. If they're cute, and if they're ogling you, and if you're ogling them, then the instincts kick in and tell you to pursue THOSE feelings that will lead to snogging, groping, and the like, instead of common sense.
Yeah? But what if you start dating them and they end up to be complete assholes? If you tried to be friends first you wouldn't feel so bad. But if you swap spit and THEN figure it out, it's worse.
You will bring about your own pain, and they'll help you with that because you found out they are assholes. It's both your fault. I know this. I've been there.
For me, it was a moment where I decided to act on impulse. I am NOT that kind of person. I just don't do that. So I thought, "Hmm, what if I tried something different?"
HOW many fuckin' times have we thought THAT!?
Often times, it's a good thing. Because we're talking about a change of acne medication or daily routine. But if you're like me and you stick to caution and thinking about things first and you try just ONCE to be impulsive...well...man, you could be fucked.
Kids, I'm gonna tell you a little story.
Once upon a time I decided that I could be impulsive and gutsy. An opportunity doesn't present itself hardly at all presented itself that allowed me to try this.
Man, I was so wrapped up in the male-attention, and the affection, I was ignorantly happy, that it was two months before I realized this guy was MESSED UP.
Parasitic, attention-leeching, thinks-with-his-dick messed up. And I'll regret it for a long time because I let him get away with shit I didn't know any better about.
The end.
If I thought of common sense and tried to be friends first I would've noticed eventually all these flaws of his. I would've taken the nearest exit unscathed.
Mum told me, "It's easy to get laid. It's hard to have a relationship."
A quote worthy of the Nobel Prize.
Kay that's an exaggeration. But she's not talking about a "dating" relationship exactly. She means just a relationship. As in, you don't think about having sex with them within the first 24 hours you learn of their existence.
There are guys I've met, where they're really nice, and I like being with them and I'm interested in getting to know them, and that eventually lands me with a headache when I'm talking to my friends about it.
"I want to hang out with him more."
"OOOOOOOOWRRRR!"
"No, not like that,"
"SUUUURE."
"STFU DX"
I have to lecture them until they're somewhat convinced that I just like making new friends. That shouldn't be hard at all but it is. That's what she said. Ahem. Because sex makes consistent visits in everyone's thoughts.
Maybe I should get this across right now. Sex to ME should be sacred. Literally. Dammit. Actually meaningful and sacred. I don't check out a guy and instantly wonder how good he is in bed. Honestly when I check out a guy I wonder about his personality. Is that SO weird? *facepalm*
Some of my friends get this sacred thing and agree. Some do not. Some scoff at the idea, and it's like a bee sting to me.
I joke about being horny a lot. My circle o' pals does that too. But it's just JOKING. Good God in heaven please I'm only kidding but apparently some people I know are more literal than I thought.
Man...I love making new friends. That's the only way I'll feel safe enough to fall in love. I KNOW them first. And they'll know me.
Okay, I'm really tired and suddenly in a mood. Gotta go.
____
Me being a hormonal boy-crazed banshee that also happens to know the difference between reality and just plain-stupid cinematic romance, this crosses my mind a lot.
Mostly because, I'm just saying, the kind of guy I'M into is practically an endangered species.
Anyway, while I frikkin' love movies like '50 First Dates' and stuff where sometimes they instantly fall for each other, I can't help but loathing how some kids strive for that.
I learned the hard way that it's absolute bullshit.
If I know someone who's got a new significant other that they've only known a short while, I congratulate them and then find the nearest bathroom to vomit. Kay not really but that's my attitude towards this situation.
I understand it's hard to hold back. If they're cute, and if they're ogling you, and if you're ogling them, then the instincts kick in and tell you to pursue THOSE feelings that will lead to snogging, groping, and the like, instead of common sense.
Yeah? But what if you start dating them and they end up to be complete assholes? If you tried to be friends first you wouldn't feel so bad. But if you swap spit and THEN figure it out, it's worse.
You will bring about your own pain, and they'll help you with that because you found out they are assholes. It's both your fault. I know this. I've been there.
For me, it was a moment where I decided to act on impulse. I am NOT that kind of person. I just don't do that. So I thought, "Hmm, what if I tried something different?"
HOW many fuckin' times have we thought THAT!?
Often times, it's a good thing. Because we're talking about a change of acne medication or daily routine. But if you're like me and you stick to caution and thinking about things first and you try just ONCE to be impulsive...well...man, you could be fucked.
Kids, I'm gonna tell you a little story.
Once upon a time I decided that I could be impulsive and gutsy. An opportunity doesn't present itself hardly at all presented itself that allowed me to try this.
Man, I was so wrapped up in the male-attention, and the affection, I was ignorantly happy, that it was two months before I realized this guy was MESSED UP.
Parasitic, attention-leeching, thinks-with-his-dick messed up. And I'll regret it for a long time because I let him get away with shit I didn't know any better about.
The end.
If I thought of common sense and tried to be friends first I would've noticed eventually all these flaws of his. I would've taken the nearest exit unscathed.
Mum told me, "It's easy to get laid. It's hard to have a relationship."
A quote worthy of the Nobel Prize.
Kay that's an exaggeration. But she's not talking about a "dating" relationship exactly. She means just a relationship. As in, you don't think about having sex with them within the first 24 hours you learn of their existence.
There are guys I've met, where they're really nice, and I like being with them and I'm interested in getting to know them, and that eventually lands me with a headache when I'm talking to my friends about it.
"I want to hang out with him more."
"OOOOOOOOWRRRR!"
"No, not like that,"
"SUUUURE."
"STFU DX"
I have to lecture them until they're somewhat convinced that I just like making new friends. That shouldn't be hard at all but it is. That's what she said. Ahem. Because sex makes consistent visits in everyone's thoughts.
Maybe I should get this across right now. Sex to ME should be sacred. Literally. Dammit. Actually meaningful and sacred. I don't check out a guy and instantly wonder how good he is in bed. Honestly when I check out a guy I wonder about his personality. Is that SO weird? *facepalm*
Some of my friends get this sacred thing and agree. Some do not. Some scoff at the idea, and it's like a bee sting to me.
I joke about being horny a lot. My circle o' pals does that too. But it's just JOKING. Good God in heaven please I'm only kidding but apparently some people I know are more literal than I thought.
Man...I love making new friends. That's the only way I'll feel safe enough to fall in love. I KNOW them first. And they'll know me.
Okay, I'm really tired and suddenly in a mood. Gotta go.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The body, the fads, and being your damn self
Today I somehow randomly thought of dreadlocks, and googled how to make them.
I always thought they were one of the coolest damn things a human being could wear, like gauges or tattoos.
But the thing is there's a difference between liking them because they're cool and liking them because they're cool to YOU.
Today the world is very diverse with body alterations and styles and what have you, now, there's a growing collective opinion that if it's popular, you either think it's cool or not cool. See what I mean? I think it's a matter of conformity vs. individual preservation, if that makes any sense.
I know kids that hate anything "main-stream". Hell, I hate main-stream music because it's a majority of artists that just don't make appealing music to me (no soul, no creativity, etc.) But I also know kids that are sporting cultural characteristics that have been around for decades, even hundreds of years (and others are calling THIS "main-stream").
For example, gauges, tattoos, and dreadlocks.
I like this trio because to me, they're traditional ethnic body modifications that are very primal, coming from ages when spirituality and artistic transformation ruled, as well as drastic changes in culture, government (i.e. times when Vikings, Greeks, and Germanic tribes would sport dreads). Plus these things were practiced for religious/spiritual purposes, which I salute.
I think this shit is AWESOME.
Not because I see a hot guy with a NIN shirt with full tattoo sleeves and a septum 2ga (Still, hot guys are hot guys XD Just kiddin'.)
I don't care if these things are popular. I don't CARE what OTHER people are wearing or whatever. I care about what I look like for myself. I don't want to get a tan to get the attention of a boy at school or make the other chicks jealous. I just like colorful skin. Is that so weird? I mean I like looking at all variations of the human body, mostly because I'm an artist, and just find certain variations beautiful.
I don't even care if a future-boyfriend will disagree with me. I don't care if my friends turn up their noses at how I want to wear my body, I'm doing it for me, not them. If they're good friends they'll stick by me no matter what.
Practice individuality. I don't mean think about yourself constantly, I mean be loyal to your opinions and ideas.
If your opinion happens to be that being selfish is the way to go, you kinda suck.
If you're the only one in your circle of friends that likes...say...math class, spiders, or Justin Beiber, be proud of it. If they like all that shit too, cool, having stuff in common with people is nice. The point is no matter the peer pressure, go your own way. If everyone is going to a concert featuring a band you don't care for, you don't have to go. I've made the mistake of going to places I'm not fond of only because all my friends are there. That situation varies and that's a subject for another blog someday.
I know a lot of people are pretty steady about this, but for those of you who aren't, I advise you get crackin' on it.
I have this friend that got a tattoo. It's just a tribal animal, and it looks really nice. Simple and accents his shoulder well (and he's an athlete so he has sexy fuckin' shoulders, haha). When I asked why he got it, the reason was along the lines of, "Because not many other people get it."
At first I was like, "OH YAH! SPLITTER! DON'T CONFORM! WOO!"
But now, I just think it's silly.
I gotta tell you (yes, more ranting about tattoos), when you're going to inject a hot, inked needle into your skin to create a permanent work of body art, don't fuck around. Later on, I bet my friend will think, "What does this even mean to me?" Sure, it's still a nice design and it'll age with grace because it's in a nice location and stuff, but he might not like it later because the foundation for getting THAT design was because it wasn't common. He was more into what other people have, or don't have, than what HE thought was awesome, no mater if it's popular or not.
I'm not gonna sugar-coat this individualism thing. You're always judged, whether you like it or not and whether you KNOW it or not. People will look at you and think, "What an ugly shirt," or even, "Oh wow, what an awesome shirt."
When you want to dress for others, do it. When you want to dress for yourself, do it. Maybe even do both simultaneously.
Sometimes when I speak my opinion, I'm shot down, even by friends or family. Man, I'll be talking about something I'm really passionate about and people look at me like I'm crazy, or an idiot. It pisses me off!
I know it sucks but it's normal. Just don't let it discourage you.
And remember kiddies, treat others the way you want to be treated...even if they don't follow the treatment very well.
"Honey you don't have to impress Jamie...you just have to be yourself.
Be yourseeeeeelf, be yourseeeeelf....be your seeeeeeeeelllllllllfff."
XD
I always thought they were one of the coolest damn things a human being could wear, like gauges or tattoos.
But the thing is there's a difference between liking them because they're cool and liking them because they're cool to YOU.
Today the world is very diverse with body alterations and styles and what have you, now, there's a growing collective opinion that if it's popular, you either think it's cool or not cool. See what I mean? I think it's a matter of conformity vs. individual preservation, if that makes any sense.
I know kids that hate anything "main-stream". Hell, I hate main-stream music because it's a majority of artists that just don't make appealing music to me (no soul, no creativity, etc.) But I also know kids that are sporting cultural characteristics that have been around for decades, even hundreds of years (and others are calling THIS "main-stream").
For example, gauges, tattoos, and dreadlocks.
I like this trio because to me, they're traditional ethnic body modifications that are very primal, coming from ages when spirituality and artistic transformation ruled, as well as drastic changes in culture, government (i.e. times when Vikings, Greeks, and Germanic tribes would sport dreads). Plus these things were practiced for religious/spiritual purposes, which I salute.
I think this shit is AWESOME.
Not because I see a hot guy with a NIN shirt with full tattoo sleeves and a septum 2ga (Still, hot guys are hot guys XD Just kiddin'.)
I don't care if these things are popular. I don't CARE what OTHER people are wearing or whatever. I care about what I look like for myself. I don't want to get a tan to get the attention of a boy at school or make the other chicks jealous. I just like colorful skin. Is that so weird? I mean I like looking at all variations of the human body, mostly because I'm an artist, and just find certain variations beautiful.
I don't even care if a future-boyfriend will disagree with me. I don't care if my friends turn up their noses at how I want to wear my body, I'm doing it for me, not them. If they're good friends they'll stick by me no matter what.
Practice individuality. I don't mean think about yourself constantly, I mean be loyal to your opinions and ideas.
If your opinion happens to be that being selfish is the way to go, you kinda suck.
If you're the only one in your circle of friends that likes...say...math class, spiders, or Justin Beiber, be proud of it. If they like all that shit too, cool, having stuff in common with people is nice. The point is no matter the peer pressure, go your own way. If everyone is going to a concert featuring a band you don't care for, you don't have to go. I've made the mistake of going to places I'm not fond of only because all my friends are there. That situation varies and that's a subject for another blog someday.
I know a lot of people are pretty steady about this, but for those of you who aren't, I advise you get crackin' on it.
I have this friend that got a tattoo. It's just a tribal animal, and it looks really nice. Simple and accents his shoulder well (and he's an athlete so he has sexy fuckin' shoulders, haha). When I asked why he got it, the reason was along the lines of, "Because not many other people get it."
At first I was like, "OH YAH! SPLITTER! DON'T CONFORM! WOO!"
But now, I just think it's silly.
I gotta tell you (yes, more ranting about tattoos), when you're going to inject a hot, inked needle into your skin to create a permanent work of body art, don't fuck around. Later on, I bet my friend will think, "What does this even mean to me?" Sure, it's still a nice design and it'll age with grace because it's in a nice location and stuff, but he might not like it later because the foundation for getting THAT design was because it wasn't common. He was more into what other people have, or don't have, than what HE thought was awesome, no mater if it's popular or not.
I'm not gonna sugar-coat this individualism thing. You're always judged, whether you like it or not and whether you KNOW it or not. People will look at you and think, "What an ugly shirt," or even, "Oh wow, what an awesome shirt."
When you want to dress for others, do it. When you want to dress for yourself, do it. Maybe even do both simultaneously.
Sometimes when I speak my opinion, I'm shot down, even by friends or family. Man, I'll be talking about something I'm really passionate about and people look at me like I'm crazy, or an idiot. It pisses me off!
I know it sucks but it's normal. Just don't let it discourage you.
And remember kiddies, treat others the way you want to be treated...even if they don't follow the treatment very well.
"Honey you don't have to impress Jamie...you just have to be yourself.
Be yourseeeeeelf, be yourseeeeelf....be your seeeeeeeeelllllllllfff."
XD
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Somewhere over the rainbow....
...I'm frikkin' bawling 'cause it's such a pretty song.
I figure this would be an appropriate introduction into how much of a softy I am.
Noooo..."softy" isn't really the word.
More like "sobbing marshmallow baby."
'Cause I'm so happy right now, and so drained...
Earlier this afternoon, I was going to post a stupid, angry rant about how I missed the performance of RED at a Christian festival all because some friends left me half-asleep on an air mattress, and there was a baptism I chose to go to instead of RED, and there was texting and all this crazy stuff involved. Anyway, while writing it I was getting more and more irritated, and thinking back on how badly I wanted to see RED and how my friends ditched without even seeing if I was right behind them, I got sidetracked with other trivial stuff. Eating lasagna, watching Friends with my parents, etc. The anger resided but it was still there, just hiding.
Then, I just listened to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM
My first reaction was, "Wow, what a happy song. And look! People all around the world are celebrating it." Then I listened to it again, and watched the footage more closely, and it just brought about this great upheaval of happiness.
No matter what shit I see in the world, no matter the violence and ignorance and greed and destruction, and no matter the most trivial SHIT that I obsess over, I see THIS and I'm so touched. It gives me some hope, you know? Hope that not everything is fucked up. I can see this through such a simple expression, without any spiritual complexity or inner struggle to find the truth. Just through music, or art, I'm shown that there is peace in the world.
It made my anger for missing a heavy metal concert for a friend's baptism look really stupid.
So this is a moment where I'm remembering to let go of my anger. It wastes my time and energy and gets me nowhere.
Imagine if everyone practiced this more and more. Just letting go.
I know it's hard. We're only human. We're always putting so much strain on our emotions because we're thinking all the time, and over analyzing, and not just...BREATHING.
I clicked on the link that lead to IZ's "Over the Rainbow" and there was where I burst into tears. I know it sounds kind of silly but it was like for a while I've been staring at this evil, ugly, ANGRY demon and suddenly this soft little creature of sunshine just nudged it away so I'd look at it instead. It's that "Oh my God maybe things will really be okay" feeling. And you know how sometimes when you're so worn out when you finally get to rest you just feel like breaking down?
...No?
Ah well, it was like that for me. All the energy i put into feeling angry just ebbed out and that's why I cry, man.
It's moments like these I wish I knew if my friends go through the same stuff. They're confronted with something ugly and they STARE at it until something lovely comes along and gets their attention in such a quiet and polite manner. I bet some of them get that, but I'm wondering about some friends in particular.
I'm sure everybody gets locked into a staring contest with their demons, whether it's anger, selfishness, resentment, etc. I don't know what the trick is to bring about the sweet little angel that makes you look at life and realize it's amazing, but there are ways, I suppose.
Okay...not bad for my first serious blog, huh? Or was it just...bleh?
Egh, well, I thought it'd be alright to share. That's what these things are for. Shrug.
The moral of the story is: LET GO. It's a nice feeling. :)
I figure this would be an appropriate introduction into how much of a softy I am.
Noooo..."softy" isn't really the word.
More like "sobbing marshmallow baby."
'Cause I'm so happy right now, and so drained...
Earlier this afternoon, I was going to post a stupid, angry rant about how I missed the performance of RED at a Christian festival all because some friends left me half-asleep on an air mattress, and there was a baptism I chose to go to instead of RED, and there was texting and all this crazy stuff involved. Anyway, while writing it I was getting more and more irritated, and thinking back on how badly I wanted to see RED and how my friends ditched without even seeing if I was right behind them, I got sidetracked with other trivial stuff. Eating lasagna, watching Friends with my parents, etc. The anger resided but it was still there, just hiding.
Then, I just listened to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM
My first reaction was, "Wow, what a happy song. And look! People all around the world are celebrating it." Then I listened to it again, and watched the footage more closely, and it just brought about this great upheaval of happiness.
No matter what shit I see in the world, no matter the violence and ignorance and greed and destruction, and no matter the most trivial SHIT that I obsess over, I see THIS and I'm so touched. It gives me some hope, you know? Hope that not everything is fucked up. I can see this through such a simple expression, without any spiritual complexity or inner struggle to find the truth. Just through music, or art, I'm shown that there is peace in the world.
It made my anger for missing a heavy metal concert for a friend's baptism look really stupid.
So this is a moment where I'm remembering to let go of my anger. It wastes my time and energy and gets me nowhere.
Imagine if everyone practiced this more and more. Just letting go.
I know it's hard. We're only human. We're always putting so much strain on our emotions because we're thinking all the time, and over analyzing, and not just...BREATHING.
I clicked on the link that lead to IZ's "Over the Rainbow" and there was where I burst into tears. I know it sounds kind of silly but it was like for a while I've been staring at this evil, ugly, ANGRY demon and suddenly this soft little creature of sunshine just nudged it away so I'd look at it instead. It's that "Oh my God maybe things will really be okay" feeling. And you know how sometimes when you're so worn out when you finally get to rest you just feel like breaking down?
...No?
Ah well, it was like that for me. All the energy i put into feeling angry just ebbed out and that's why I cry, man.
It's moments like these I wish I knew if my friends go through the same stuff. They're confronted with something ugly and they STARE at it until something lovely comes along and gets their attention in such a quiet and polite manner. I bet some of them get that, but I'm wondering about some friends in particular.
I'm sure everybody gets locked into a staring contest with their demons, whether it's anger, selfishness, resentment, etc. I don't know what the trick is to bring about the sweet little angel that makes you look at life and realize it's amazing, but there are ways, I suppose.
Okay...not bad for my first serious blog, huh? Or was it just...bleh?
Egh, well, I thought it'd be alright to share. That's what these things are for. Shrug.
The moral of the story is: LET GO. It's a nice feeling. :)
Another puppet string from the internet
Frankly I was influenced by some friends to create an account here. I'm rather skeptical of how this will turn out in the future to come. I suspect I'll receive some criticism I've never known before by peers and parents alike, or just whoever the hell is reading that actually gives a shit. And I'll be like, "OH CRAP, another human being presenting their opinions to me. Instincts say fight violently with a club and take over their territory and pack members."
Ugh, this website is more complex than I thought.
Anyway, for those of you who know me...hello and welcome to another corner of my head. I honestly feel as though I am playing with fire here. I might just snap, right now. Be a dear and bare with me.
For those of you who are strangers, don't be creepin'.
I will find you first.
Always.
So I think I'm going to explain the title of this merry little blog account. "Drunken ferrets" is a symbolism. They are small creatures consistently at risk of being stepped on, and they can't help it. Ferrets are known to dwell in places deemed inappropriate, like pants. While playful, adorable, and somewhat cunning in their own little ferret way, they are quite stinky and that discourages others from being in the same room as them.
Now drunken ferrets are like normal ferrets but drunk. Derp. Ferrets invest their time in drinking to amplify their silliness, some in hope to get people to like them despite the fact that they are stinky, and some just to numb the pain of being stepped on. However, regardless if they are drunk or sober, pants-dwelling is awesome.
I myself find that I can, in various ways, relate to ferrets, both drunk and sober. Thus I see it fit to call this collection of shit "The Secret Lives of Drunken Ferrets".
By the way, I swear. Lots and lots. Read each published entry with caution and a warped sense of humor.
Ugh, this website is more complex than I thought.
Anyway, for those of you who know me...hello and welcome to another corner of my head. I honestly feel as though I am playing with fire here. I might just snap, right now. Be a dear and bare with me.
For those of you who are strangers, don't be creepin'.
I will find you first.
Always.
So I think I'm going to explain the title of this merry little blog account. "Drunken ferrets" is a symbolism. They are small creatures consistently at risk of being stepped on, and they can't help it. Ferrets are known to dwell in places deemed inappropriate, like pants. While playful, adorable, and somewhat cunning in their own little ferret way, they are quite stinky and that discourages others from being in the same room as them.
Now drunken ferrets are like normal ferrets but drunk. Derp. Ferrets invest their time in drinking to amplify their silliness, some in hope to get people to like them despite the fact that they are stinky, and some just to numb the pain of being stepped on. However, regardless if they are drunk or sober, pants-dwelling is awesome.
I myself find that I can, in various ways, relate to ferrets, both drunk and sober. Thus I see it fit to call this collection of shit "The Secret Lives of Drunken Ferrets".
By the way, I swear. Lots and lots. Read each published entry with caution and a warped sense of humor.
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