Mmkay, well I wrote this blog a little while back and never posted it but now I'm feeling reckless and stupid so I feel like posting it...
____
I want you to know that I know that I don't know everything in the fucking universe. I know I'm ignorant, high-strung, bitchy, and a little warped. Whatever I post here, don't take everything to heart. For the love of Jesus I'm only human.
Maybe what I want to say here is more fit for a more private blog, called my-journal-that-nobody-reads-ever. Frankly, I'm beginning to care less and less though. Here's the truth. I'm dying to get people to really understand me. So far, I have a few amazing friends that know me inside and out like a dissected frog. But I need more people. It gets crowded after a while. GOD BLESS MY AMAZING FRIENDS but it's time to make new ones.
And yes, I'm aware that my attitude is very bogus. I'm forcing deep parts of my soul under the microscope to eyes that belong to people I don't even know. If you already know me please speak up or something. Yeah, I know I haven't shown this blog to my facebook community, but still. If you're really pro at creeping you would've noticed I've posted the URL to this on my bio page to both facebook and deviant art. *face of irritation*
That's a problem with people nowadays. You rarely find people that are actually thorough. We're all getting lazy, and it's bullshit. I wish I could be building my own little camp fire right now, roasting teryaki tapir on a spit, sitting on the dirt, not in this comfy chair. I want to be working hard at something I really care about, not at something I don't give to shits for. Again, oh God, let me live my life the way I want! It will be devoid of most drugs, alcohols, and reckless sex, I promise!
Don't take that all too seriously.
Oh great God, OH UNIVERSE I JUST WANT TO BE FREE! amen hallelujah please turn to the next psalm in your booklet!!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Life feeds on life feeds on life...
Well, watching 'Never Cry Wolf' just put me in the mood. I browsed deviantART for some anti-predator-control and pro-predator-control art and the like for interesting opinions and those silly arguments, just 'cause. I can see where I am and where I am not a diehard in my opinions COMPARED TO the opinions of other people on this subject.
So, I just feel like expressing what I think about this.
When you look at the cycle of life, the food chain, the natural order of things or whatever you want to call it, you can't really deny that there is nothing wrong with killing and eating from a survival standpoint. What I mean is, when predators kill, it's only to survive and that's just their place in the world--with the exception of humans but I'll get to that in a moment. Now I've heard of a thing called "surplus killing"--it's a behavioral trait in some predators, where they kill more than they need or they don't consume all that they kill, or something along those lines. I'm not sure if this is accurate or not but it seems probable and maybe even makes a little sense. How can we expect any predators to be perfect hunters because it's in their instinct to kill to survive? There's no such thing as perfect, really, only balance. All that is in the universe must have cons as well as pros. To try to attain otherwise is just unrealistic.
What does it mean to kill a predator?
For some people, they do it for money. Pelts, and even the meat and bones, are held at a high value that can be used to put food on the table. It's a kind of living. For others, it means trophies, hunting and killing for shits and giggles. Most see this as immoral and sick, and it's not too hard to see why if you really contemplate it.
Human beings dominate this earth--that is without a doubt. We can get whatever we want, when we want, because we are the most intelligent specimens. We can comprehend things that illicit thrill out of us, and for some that means killing for fun. Are other predators capable of this comprehension? Maybe some (I'm not too sure but it'd be a good thing to research sometime). But human beings are also capable of comprehending cruelty and savagery, but perspectives on this vary. What one might see as brutal, another might see as ordinary. You can see this in the arguments some vegetarians have with people that, well, people that just love their meat.
I see hunting wolves and other predators "for fun" as a cruel sport--actually hunting anything as a cruel sport, especially if you don't even use the body for food or other things. But if you rely on hunting game for a living, I see nothing wrong with it.
That's something the anti-hunting zealots need to learn, in my opinion. Humans have been hunting ever since the dawn of our existence. Today, the majority relies on slaughter houses and farms--food being killed, processed, and delivered TO them. Movies like 'Food Inc.' expose the grotesque side of that system so I don't blame some people for reverting back to hunting for their meat instead of shopping for it. Hell, if I could, I'd hunt for my own food instead of buying Hillshire Farm and Tyson. It's healthier and doesn't add to the demand that causes all that animal abuse. That mass production has to be fast and reliable to sate the demand, those factories can't afford to spend more time of raising healthy animals. It's easier to pump them up on steroids and pack them in tight places knee-deep in their own shit so they don't have to spend more money on space. People don't think much of that because they're just not informed of it. How many times do you see a billboard from Tyson showing where their products REALLY come from? Never. You have to dig deep if you want to know the truth, and the truth is an ugly layer of shit that's been fermenting under a mountain of blissful ignorance.
So that's that. And it sucks, I mean...it really, really sucks.
But back to the subject of hunting, I suppose.
I can understand the vigor and passion hunters possess when they worry over "their" caribou populations and what not--it's just their living, and they have competition. Thing is, they ought to respect that the predators need to hunt, too. It's their God-given right. Oh man, I can't STAND Sarah Palin's attitude towards hunting (and frankly the rest of her personality isn't that appealing to me, either). And as a Christian I'd think you'd have a little more respect towards God's creation, or does that just depend? Does "God's creation" somehow translate into "everything on the planet belongs to the human race"?
Not to step on any toes.
I don't think God plays favorites when it comes to the creations.
But that's a different matter.
So, I just feel like expressing what I think about this.
When you look at the cycle of life, the food chain, the natural order of things or whatever you want to call it, you can't really deny that there is nothing wrong with killing and eating from a survival standpoint. What I mean is, when predators kill, it's only to survive and that's just their place in the world--with the exception of humans but I'll get to that in a moment. Now I've heard of a thing called "surplus killing"--it's a behavioral trait in some predators, where they kill more than they need or they don't consume all that they kill, or something along those lines. I'm not sure if this is accurate or not but it seems probable and maybe even makes a little sense. How can we expect any predators to be perfect hunters because it's in their instinct to kill to survive? There's no such thing as perfect, really, only balance. All that is in the universe must have cons as well as pros. To try to attain otherwise is just unrealistic.
What does it mean to kill a predator?
For some people, they do it for money. Pelts, and even the meat and bones, are held at a high value that can be used to put food on the table. It's a kind of living. For others, it means trophies, hunting and killing for shits and giggles. Most see this as immoral and sick, and it's not too hard to see why if you really contemplate it.
Human beings dominate this earth--that is without a doubt. We can get whatever we want, when we want, because we are the most intelligent specimens. We can comprehend things that illicit thrill out of us, and for some that means killing for fun. Are other predators capable of this comprehension? Maybe some (I'm not too sure but it'd be a good thing to research sometime). But human beings are also capable of comprehending cruelty and savagery, but perspectives on this vary. What one might see as brutal, another might see as ordinary. You can see this in the arguments some vegetarians have with people that, well, people that just love their meat.
I see hunting wolves and other predators "for fun" as a cruel sport--actually hunting anything as a cruel sport, especially if you don't even use the body for food or other things. But if you rely on hunting game for a living, I see nothing wrong with it.
That's something the anti-hunting zealots need to learn, in my opinion. Humans have been hunting ever since the dawn of our existence. Today, the majority relies on slaughter houses and farms--food being killed, processed, and delivered TO them. Movies like 'Food Inc.' expose the grotesque side of that system so I don't blame some people for reverting back to hunting for their meat instead of shopping for it. Hell, if I could, I'd hunt for my own food instead of buying Hillshire Farm and Tyson. It's healthier and doesn't add to the demand that causes all that animal abuse. That mass production has to be fast and reliable to sate the demand, those factories can't afford to spend more time of raising healthy animals. It's easier to pump them up on steroids and pack them in tight places knee-deep in their own shit so they don't have to spend more money on space. People don't think much of that because they're just not informed of it. How many times do you see a billboard from Tyson showing where their products REALLY come from? Never. You have to dig deep if you want to know the truth, and the truth is an ugly layer of shit that's been fermenting under a mountain of blissful ignorance.
So that's that. And it sucks, I mean...it really, really sucks.
But back to the subject of hunting, I suppose.
I can understand the vigor and passion hunters possess when they worry over "their" caribou populations and what not--it's just their living, and they have competition. Thing is, they ought to respect that the predators need to hunt, too. It's their God-given right. Oh man, I can't STAND Sarah Palin's attitude towards hunting (and frankly the rest of her personality isn't that appealing to me, either). And as a Christian I'd think you'd have a little more respect towards God's creation, or does that just depend? Does "God's creation" somehow translate into "everything on the planet belongs to the human race"?
Not to step on any toes.
I don't think God plays favorites when it comes to the creations.
But that's a different matter.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Omen? Oyes.
*caution bad language
I'm just trying to be polite, you pricks...
I just watched Apocalypto for the third time. Gad damn how it makes me thirsty. And depressed. And really ravenous for an ethnic tattoo. Nonetheless, a good movie. If you have a strong stomach against tragic pillaging and disemboweling scenes, I highly recommend it.
Today was a shitty day. If you don't mind I'm going to vent about it, mentioning some things that could be produced out of irrational frustration and anger.
Woke up this morning with my sinuses all messed up from Lucifer knows what, and I'm beginning to doubt it's allergies. I'm so sick--no pun intended--of there being ALWAYS something wrong with my body, whether it's cold-like symptoms, cramps, acne, blisters, cat scratches, bruises, stretch marks, or whatever else. This situation, the "there's always something wrong with my body" situation, hinders me from being more outgoing and confident, I think. I mean, when you're totally comfortable in your own skin you tend to have a brighter perspective of things during that time you feel totally comfortable. This, of course, varies. Take some my friends, who are freerunners. They spend practically all their free time doing psychotic athletic tricks that koala-like artists like me can't comprehend, and they are constantly getting hurt. Broken foot, sprained ankle, twisted this, messed up that, but they keep going. Why? Not quite sure. It's their passion, I think, or their obsession. They just have to trick and feel that rush of being amazing and above us lesser beings.
That's cruel opinion, I know.
Hey, I said irrational.
Another thing that pisses me off...not being comfortable in the clothes you wear. Petty, isn't it? I mean, that's really trivial and insignificant. Still, that doesn't mean that I can't be pissed off at it. I buy certain clothes based not exactly what's my style, I buy based on how much money I have and when and where my parents are willing to drive us in order to shop, and also based on what American retail stores are offering.
If it were really up to me, I'd be dressed in tribal tunics or other gypsy-wear. Not "in style", I know. But fuck what they tell me to wear.
Anyway...the physical discomfort of what I was wearing today (skinny jeans too small for me and a vintage blouse that's older than I am by three times) added to the already existing physical discomfort of the upturned underworld of unhealthiness in my head (acne, runny nose, bruises, stupid zombie-bite blister). So you can probably imagine that it wasn't the smartest idea to embark on roaming about in the public.
I know what you're thinking (most of you), "No one cares."
But they do. Call me paranoid, call me irrational, call me melodramatic, oversensitive, and stupid, but I'm constantly feeling like I am being judged and criticized, because I know I don't blend in, not by physical appearance or behavior. I know this because I've seen the people of my town. I'm a fucking alien. My head is so far out of this atmosphere I fit in more with the martians than I do with the kids here (except my real friends that are awesome and save my life on so many levels).
The martians, by the way, want me to tell you all to PLEASE NOT COME NEAR THEM. They've seen the shit you do.
People in Wal-mart scare me. Hell, the building scares me. I've decided halfheartedly that once I'm living independently I'm going to be devoted to avoid Wal-mart as much as humanly possible.
Anyway....
While texting this friend, I mentioned that I could see myself living in Latin America. Then, I noticed he seemed a little tense, which is hard to do over text. I asked him about it, he said he was disappointed, I asked if he was disappointed in me, he said a little bit, I said that if he told me why maybe I could fix it, he said he didn't think so, I said well I can't if I don't know what the fuck is wrong and you don't tell me, and then he did.
He thinks that I'll never be happy, no matter what "setting" I'm in. As in, I won't come to accept my surroundings.
This set off a few rounds of me arguing like a mother bear on acid and him arguing like he reads only one out of the seven sentences I text. Basically, he was a jerk who made me feel like shit for being friends with him. Then I made bad shopping decisions and every moment with the ancient blouse, skinny jeans, zombie acne, and allergies just brought shit downhill from there. While parked at Wal-mart I sat in the car alone and I saw two friends coming over to the truck across from me. In other circumstances I would've bound up to them like a giddy gazelle but I instead hid under the dashboard. That's how shitty I felt. I sent a text to another friend telling her I couldn't come to her party at 5:30. Then I got home and watched TV for like four hours. And here I am.
I've probably lost you all by now. I don't really care. There's something about posting personal events, feelings, and thoughts onto the internet that makes me feel so much better. *sarcasmmmmm*
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I just know I'm unhappy in this town. I can't grow here anymore. Once I'm out of high school I can't wait to leave...I just want to live the way I want to. That doesn't mean it's going to be in perfect harmony with the rest of the human race...
You know something? This friend of mine who's a real jerk...I love him to bits...I mean, I've been through a lot with him and because of him. But things change, things that are out of my control. It really sucks, but I think it's almost time to say goodbye for a while.
I'm just trying to be polite, you pricks...
I just watched Apocalypto for the third time. Gad damn how it makes me thirsty. And depressed. And really ravenous for an ethnic tattoo. Nonetheless, a good movie. If you have a strong stomach against tragic pillaging and disemboweling scenes, I highly recommend it.
Today was a shitty day. If you don't mind I'm going to vent about it, mentioning some things that could be produced out of irrational frustration and anger.
Woke up this morning with my sinuses all messed up from Lucifer knows what, and I'm beginning to doubt it's allergies. I'm so sick--no pun intended--of there being ALWAYS something wrong with my body, whether it's cold-like symptoms, cramps, acne, blisters, cat scratches, bruises, stretch marks, or whatever else. This situation, the "there's always something wrong with my body" situation, hinders me from being more outgoing and confident, I think. I mean, when you're totally comfortable in your own skin you tend to have a brighter perspective of things during that time you feel totally comfortable. This, of course, varies. Take some my friends, who are freerunners. They spend practically all their free time doing psychotic athletic tricks that koala-like artists like me can't comprehend, and they are constantly getting hurt. Broken foot, sprained ankle, twisted this, messed up that, but they keep going. Why? Not quite sure. It's their passion, I think, or their obsession. They just have to trick and feel that rush of being amazing and above us lesser beings.
That's cruel opinion, I know.
Hey, I said irrational.
Another thing that pisses me off...not being comfortable in the clothes you wear. Petty, isn't it? I mean, that's really trivial and insignificant. Still, that doesn't mean that I can't be pissed off at it. I buy certain clothes based not exactly what's my style, I buy based on how much money I have and when and where my parents are willing to drive us in order to shop, and also based on what American retail stores are offering.
If it were really up to me, I'd be dressed in tribal tunics or other gypsy-wear. Not "in style", I know. But fuck what they tell me to wear.
Anyway...the physical discomfort of what I was wearing today (skinny jeans too small for me and a vintage blouse that's older than I am by three times) added to the already existing physical discomfort of the upturned underworld of unhealthiness in my head (acne, runny nose, bruises, stupid zombie-bite blister). So you can probably imagine that it wasn't the smartest idea to embark on roaming about in the public.
I know what you're thinking (most of you), "No one cares."
But they do. Call me paranoid, call me irrational, call me melodramatic, oversensitive, and stupid, but I'm constantly feeling like I am being judged and criticized, because I know I don't blend in, not by physical appearance or behavior. I know this because I've seen the people of my town. I'm a fucking alien. My head is so far out of this atmosphere I fit in more with the martians than I do with the kids here (except my real friends that are awesome and save my life on so many levels).
The martians, by the way, want me to tell you all to PLEASE NOT COME NEAR THEM. They've seen the shit you do.
People in Wal-mart scare me. Hell, the building scares me. I've decided halfheartedly that once I'm living independently I'm going to be devoted to avoid Wal-mart as much as humanly possible.
Anyway....
While texting this friend, I mentioned that I could see myself living in Latin America. Then, I noticed he seemed a little tense, which is hard to do over text. I asked him about it, he said he was disappointed, I asked if he was disappointed in me, he said a little bit, I said that if he told me why maybe I could fix it, he said he didn't think so, I said well I can't if I don't know what the fuck is wrong and you don't tell me, and then he did.
He thinks that I'll never be happy, no matter what "setting" I'm in. As in, I won't come to accept my surroundings.
This set off a few rounds of me arguing like a mother bear on acid and him arguing like he reads only one out of the seven sentences I text. Basically, he was a jerk who made me feel like shit for being friends with him. Then I made bad shopping decisions and every moment with the ancient blouse, skinny jeans, zombie acne, and allergies just brought shit downhill from there. While parked at Wal-mart I sat in the car alone and I saw two friends coming over to the truck across from me. In other circumstances I would've bound up to them like a giddy gazelle but I instead hid under the dashboard. That's how shitty I felt. I sent a text to another friend telling her I couldn't come to her party at 5:30. Then I got home and watched TV for like four hours. And here I am.
I've probably lost you all by now. I don't really care. There's something about posting personal events, feelings, and thoughts onto the internet that makes me feel so much better. *sarcasmmmmm*
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I just know I'm unhappy in this town. I can't grow here anymore. Once I'm out of high school I can't wait to leave...I just want to live the way I want to. That doesn't mean it's going to be in perfect harmony with the rest of the human race...
You know something? This friend of mine who's a real jerk...I love him to bits...I mean, I've been through a lot with him and because of him. But things change, things that are out of my control. It really sucks, but I think it's almost time to say goodbye for a while.
Monday, August 22, 2011
It's time to rock (okay?)
School is tomorrow...
While fresh acne is scabbing over and I'm in the middle of "my moon" (Hey, some of you can relate to me, I bet--that's why I tell you that stuff. HA HA) I'm so ready to go back I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'm tired of the summer heat. I want the orange leaves and frost. I want to see my crazy-ass friends and learn shit.
I have plans this year. But the thing is, I know that they will, as always, be confronted by what I call the "Not everything goes as expected Law." I've been becoming more familiar with this law over the last few years. I keep forgetting about it and then it smacks me in the face when I make some significant plans and they don't go the way I want them to. This law doesn't apply as much when I expect something negative to happen and instead i get something positive. It's just usually me trying to control my life, and somehow it gets thrown askew.
Is that just me, or do you guys get that sometimes, too? Because I know people who are..um...perfect in every meaning of the word, and I swear to Goddess, whatever they plan works out (do a degree, to be realistic).
Once I planned a camping trip. I invited twenty people, six showed up. Instead of staying two nights, we stayed one. When we got home, the four remaining guys were suddenly invited back at my house, and they all spent the night, and shit.
I'm not saying everything went wrong. I just wonder, if I plan to change my attitude during the school year, or if I plan to get a job while I don't own a car (or even drive. Permit procrastinators, unite!), could it work out if I really try, or will it still fall apart?
If I try to slowly distance myself from a long-time friend who's been neglecting me, will they notice and will things change?
I'm ready for the future, for change. I practically crave it. It's just so...difficult to tame. But that doesn't deter me. I think about all the things I want to do in the next few years and that's when I'm reminded that life is so damn good. I am gifted, I am loved, and I'm alive. That should be my new mantra...my current one is "Whut the fuck." Haha. But seriously, those of you having it rough, you have to remember that you are in control. It's all up to you. Sure, not everything goes as expected, but that should be the least of our worries. : )
While fresh acne is scabbing over and I'm in the middle of "my moon" (Hey, some of you can relate to me, I bet--that's why I tell you that stuff. HA HA) I'm so ready to go back I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'm tired of the summer heat. I want the orange leaves and frost. I want to see my crazy-ass friends and learn shit.
I have plans this year. But the thing is, I know that they will, as always, be confronted by what I call the "Not everything goes as expected Law." I've been becoming more familiar with this law over the last few years. I keep forgetting about it and then it smacks me in the face when I make some significant plans and they don't go the way I want them to. This law doesn't apply as much when I expect something negative to happen and instead i get something positive. It's just usually me trying to control my life, and somehow it gets thrown askew.
Is that just me, or do you guys get that sometimes, too? Because I know people who are..um...perfect in every meaning of the word, and I swear to Goddess, whatever they plan works out (do a degree, to be realistic).
Once I planned a camping trip. I invited twenty people, six showed up. Instead of staying two nights, we stayed one. When we got home, the four remaining guys were suddenly invited back at my house, and they all spent the night, and shit.
I'm not saying everything went wrong. I just wonder, if I plan to change my attitude during the school year, or if I plan to get a job while I don't own a car (or even drive. Permit procrastinators, unite!), could it work out if I really try, or will it still fall apart?
If I try to slowly distance myself from a long-time friend who's been neglecting me, will they notice and will things change?
I'm ready for the future, for change. I practically crave it. It's just so...difficult to tame. But that doesn't deter me. I think about all the things I want to do in the next few years and that's when I'm reminded that life is so damn good. I am gifted, I am loved, and I'm alive. That should be my new mantra...my current one is "Whut the fuck." Haha. But seriously, those of you having it rough, you have to remember that you are in control. It's all up to you. Sure, not everything goes as expected, but that should be the least of our worries. : )
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Me want go live in jungle! Shark bait oo-wa-ha!
** Caution: bad language. **
Welp, a week of "summer" left. I'm actually fairly happy that it's coming to an end. I'm ready to start my last year of school. I think my favorite time of the year is when all the leaves are golden, and everyone's getting ready for Halloween. Fire pits in the back yard, hanging with friends on the front porch having coffee, setting up the school Haunted house...it's all just great.
I think I have a pretty good plan for after high school. I'm going to find a job and work my ass off and save up as much as possible. Live in a car or at my parent's if I have to. Hey I'm not saying living with them is bad or anything, no. I love my family to death. But I can't stay with them forever. I really want to move out, I just don't know where too. Anyway, I'm going to work for maybe a year or two, hopefully sell some artwork on the side, and once I have enough I'm going to take off and travel. There are some places I need to go to in particular where there's people I want to see. (Long-distance friends and my older brother and his family, in case you were wondering. Haha)
After that, I'm pretty sure I'll have a good idea of whether or not to pursue college or not. I can't decide that shit now, what the hell do I know? I mean, I think I need to be free of school first and be out into the world first, just to see what my path looks like, you know?
I just wonder how some of the kids I know DO it, be so dead-set in what college to go to and all that. Maybe that's just their nature, and that's cool. It just kills me, man, 'cause we're so young. It even freaks me out to see some highschoolers driving around 'cause they don't look a day over fifteen or something. Do we have to rush into adulthood that fast?...
Maybe I'm being silly. But you know you miss those forts you made out of your mama's sheets. Hahaha..
It's really nice outside right now...dark and rainy with a little thunder. : )
I wish that all of us had more time to appreciate our surroundings, you know? Just be outside and be thankful. Everyone is so caught up in worry and possession. What if all of us were stripped of our houses, our belongings, those beloved iPods and cell phones and x-boxes? Just clothes, food, and tools. And no money! That'd be...incredible. Nothing to feel greedy over. Ah shit, I almost went into the whole stone-age fantasy. Haha, SHIT.
It'd sure as hell be simple, wouldn't it? Look, I know it's never gonna happen nation-wide, trust me I'm well-fucking-aware. Can't keep me from dreaming though, kay?...
I'd like to live a really simple existence, meaning few material possessions, little demand for money or fuel. Maybe grow my own food, when I find a permanent home... and honestly I don't know if that'll happen or not with what I have in mind after HS...though I doubt some friends would let me go homeless. Some. I bet the others would laugh, just like I would laugh. Kay I'm kidding. But I know them. Or at least I think I do...
The point is, I'm just the kind of person that would rather live in a grass hut than in a huge fancy house with all this expensive junk. I that's just...ugh, one of the things that irk me the most. Rich people. God bless all of mankind but come on, why do they need so much shit? Don't they know it could go elsewhere, where it can benefit people that could really use it? Like research facilities for cancer, or people in poverty? Dear God, save the honeybees or something!
Alright...getting off subject.
...So I watched Casino for the first time tonight...nehee.
Welp, a week of "summer" left. I'm actually fairly happy that it's coming to an end. I'm ready to start my last year of school. I think my favorite time of the year is when all the leaves are golden, and everyone's getting ready for Halloween. Fire pits in the back yard, hanging with friends on the front porch having coffee, setting up the school Haunted house...it's all just great.
I think I have a pretty good plan for after high school. I'm going to find a job and work my ass off and save up as much as possible. Live in a car or at my parent's if I have to. Hey I'm not saying living with them is bad or anything, no. I love my family to death. But I can't stay with them forever. I really want to move out, I just don't know where too. Anyway, I'm going to work for maybe a year or two, hopefully sell some artwork on the side, and once I have enough I'm going to take off and travel. There are some places I need to go to in particular where there's people I want to see. (Long-distance friends and my older brother and his family, in case you were wondering. Haha)
After that, I'm pretty sure I'll have a good idea of whether or not to pursue college or not. I can't decide that shit now, what the hell do I know? I mean, I think I need to be free of school first and be out into the world first, just to see what my path looks like, you know?
I just wonder how some of the kids I know DO it, be so dead-set in what college to go to and all that. Maybe that's just their nature, and that's cool. It just kills me, man, 'cause we're so young. It even freaks me out to see some highschoolers driving around 'cause they don't look a day over fifteen or something. Do we have to rush into adulthood that fast?...
Maybe I'm being silly. But you know you miss those forts you made out of your mama's sheets. Hahaha..
It's really nice outside right now...dark and rainy with a little thunder. : )
I wish that all of us had more time to appreciate our surroundings, you know? Just be outside and be thankful. Everyone is so caught up in worry and possession. What if all of us were stripped of our houses, our belongings, those beloved iPods and cell phones and x-boxes? Just clothes, food, and tools. And no money! That'd be...incredible. Nothing to feel greedy over. Ah shit, I almost went into the whole stone-age fantasy. Haha, SHIT.
It'd sure as hell be simple, wouldn't it? Look, I know it's never gonna happen nation-wide, trust me I'm well-fucking-aware. Can't keep me from dreaming though, kay?...
I'd like to live a really simple existence, meaning few material possessions, little demand for money or fuel. Maybe grow my own food, when I find a permanent home... and honestly I don't know if that'll happen or not with what I have in mind after HS...though I doubt some friends would let me go homeless. Some. I bet the others would laugh, just like I would laugh. Kay I'm kidding. But I know them. Or at least I think I do...
The point is, I'm just the kind of person that would rather live in a grass hut than in a huge fancy house with all this expensive junk. I that's just...ugh, one of the things that irk me the most. Rich people. God bless all of mankind but come on, why do they need so much shit? Don't they know it could go elsewhere, where it can benefit people that could really use it? Like research facilities for cancer, or people in poverty? Dear God, save the honeybees or something!
Alright...getting off subject.
...So I watched Casino for the first time tonight...nehee.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Why it is a tradgedy that it's hard to be friends first
***I'm gonna start posting warnings at the top here for those of you who are allergic to bad language...So. Warning: bad language.***
____
Me being a hormonal boy-crazed banshee that also happens to know the difference between reality and just plain-stupid cinematic romance, this crosses my mind a lot.
Mostly because, I'm just saying, the kind of guy I'M into is practically an endangered species.
Anyway, while I frikkin' love movies like '50 First Dates' and stuff where sometimes they instantly fall for each other, I can't help but loathing how some kids strive for that.
I learned the hard way that it's absolute bullshit.
If I know someone who's got a new significant other that they've only known a short while, I congratulate them and then find the nearest bathroom to vomit. Kay not really but that's my attitude towards this situation.
I understand it's hard to hold back. If they're cute, and if they're ogling you, and if you're ogling them, then the instincts kick in and tell you to pursue THOSE feelings that will lead to snogging, groping, and the like, instead of common sense.
Yeah? But what if you start dating them and they end up to be complete assholes? If you tried to be friends first you wouldn't feel so bad. But if you swap spit and THEN figure it out, it's worse.
You will bring about your own pain, and they'll help you with that because you found out they are assholes. It's both your fault. I know this. I've been there.
For me, it was a moment where I decided to act on impulse. I am NOT that kind of person. I just don't do that. So I thought, "Hmm, what if I tried something different?"
HOW many fuckin' times have we thought THAT!?
Often times, it's a good thing. Because we're talking about a change of acne medication or daily routine. But if you're like me and you stick to caution and thinking about things first and you try just ONCE to be impulsive...well...man, you could be fucked.
Kids, I'm gonna tell you a little story.
Once upon a time I decided that I could be impulsive and gutsy. An opportunity doesn't present itself hardly at all presented itself that allowed me to try this.
Man, I was so wrapped up in the male-attention, and the affection, I was ignorantly happy, that it was two months before I realized this guy was MESSED UP.
Parasitic, attention-leeching, thinks-with-his-dick messed up. And I'll regret it for a long time because I let him get away with shit I didn't know any better about.
The end.
If I thought of common sense and tried to be friends first I would've noticed eventually all these flaws of his. I would've taken the nearest exit unscathed.
Mum told me, "It's easy to get laid. It's hard to have a relationship."
A quote worthy of the Nobel Prize.
Kay that's an exaggeration. But she's not talking about a "dating" relationship exactly. She means just a relationship. As in, you don't think about having sex with them within the first 24 hours you learn of their existence.
There are guys I've met, where they're really nice, and I like being with them and I'm interested in getting to know them, and that eventually lands me with a headache when I'm talking to my friends about it.
"I want to hang out with him more."
"OOOOOOOOWRRRR!"
"No, not like that,"
"SUUUURE."
"STFU DX"
I have to lecture them until they're somewhat convinced that I just like making new friends. That shouldn't be hard at all but it is. That's what she said. Ahem. Because sex makes consistent visits in everyone's thoughts.
Maybe I should get this across right now. Sex to ME should be sacred. Literally. Dammit. Actually meaningful and sacred. I don't check out a guy and instantly wonder how good he is in bed. Honestly when I check out a guy I wonder about his personality. Is that SO weird? *facepalm*
Some of my friends get this sacred thing and agree. Some do not. Some scoff at the idea, and it's like a bee sting to me.
I joke about being horny a lot. My circle o' pals does that too. But it's just JOKING. Good God in heaven please I'm only kidding but apparently some people I know are more literal than I thought.
Man...I love making new friends. That's the only way I'll feel safe enough to fall in love. I KNOW them first. And they'll know me.
Okay, I'm really tired and suddenly in a mood. Gotta go.
____
Me being a hormonal boy-crazed banshee that also happens to know the difference between reality and just plain-stupid cinematic romance, this crosses my mind a lot.
Mostly because, I'm just saying, the kind of guy I'M into is practically an endangered species.
Anyway, while I frikkin' love movies like '50 First Dates' and stuff where sometimes they instantly fall for each other, I can't help but loathing how some kids strive for that.
I learned the hard way that it's absolute bullshit.
If I know someone who's got a new significant other that they've only known a short while, I congratulate them and then find the nearest bathroom to vomit. Kay not really but that's my attitude towards this situation.
I understand it's hard to hold back. If they're cute, and if they're ogling you, and if you're ogling them, then the instincts kick in and tell you to pursue THOSE feelings that will lead to snogging, groping, and the like, instead of common sense.
Yeah? But what if you start dating them and they end up to be complete assholes? If you tried to be friends first you wouldn't feel so bad. But if you swap spit and THEN figure it out, it's worse.
You will bring about your own pain, and they'll help you with that because you found out they are assholes. It's both your fault. I know this. I've been there.
For me, it was a moment where I decided to act on impulse. I am NOT that kind of person. I just don't do that. So I thought, "Hmm, what if I tried something different?"
HOW many fuckin' times have we thought THAT!?
Often times, it's a good thing. Because we're talking about a change of acne medication or daily routine. But if you're like me and you stick to caution and thinking about things first and you try just ONCE to be impulsive...well...man, you could be fucked.
Kids, I'm gonna tell you a little story.
Once upon a time I decided that I could be impulsive and gutsy. An opportunity doesn't present itself hardly at all presented itself that allowed me to try this.
Man, I was so wrapped up in the male-attention, and the affection, I was ignorantly happy, that it was two months before I realized this guy was MESSED UP.
Parasitic, attention-leeching, thinks-with-his-dick messed up. And I'll regret it for a long time because I let him get away with shit I didn't know any better about.
The end.
If I thought of common sense and tried to be friends first I would've noticed eventually all these flaws of his. I would've taken the nearest exit unscathed.
Mum told me, "It's easy to get laid. It's hard to have a relationship."
A quote worthy of the Nobel Prize.
Kay that's an exaggeration. But she's not talking about a "dating" relationship exactly. She means just a relationship. As in, you don't think about having sex with them within the first 24 hours you learn of their existence.
There are guys I've met, where they're really nice, and I like being with them and I'm interested in getting to know them, and that eventually lands me with a headache when I'm talking to my friends about it.
"I want to hang out with him more."
"OOOOOOOOWRRRR!"
"No, not like that,"
"SUUUURE."
"STFU DX"
I have to lecture them until they're somewhat convinced that I just like making new friends. That shouldn't be hard at all but it is. That's what she said. Ahem. Because sex makes consistent visits in everyone's thoughts.
Maybe I should get this across right now. Sex to ME should be sacred. Literally. Dammit. Actually meaningful and sacred. I don't check out a guy and instantly wonder how good he is in bed. Honestly when I check out a guy I wonder about his personality. Is that SO weird? *facepalm*
Some of my friends get this sacred thing and agree. Some do not. Some scoff at the idea, and it's like a bee sting to me.
I joke about being horny a lot. My circle o' pals does that too. But it's just JOKING. Good God in heaven please I'm only kidding but apparently some people I know are more literal than I thought.
Man...I love making new friends. That's the only way I'll feel safe enough to fall in love. I KNOW them first. And they'll know me.
Okay, I'm really tired and suddenly in a mood. Gotta go.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The body, the fads, and being your damn self
Today I somehow randomly thought of dreadlocks, and googled how to make them.
I always thought they were one of the coolest damn things a human being could wear, like gauges or tattoos.
But the thing is there's a difference between liking them because they're cool and liking them because they're cool to YOU.
Today the world is very diverse with body alterations and styles and what have you, now, there's a growing collective opinion that if it's popular, you either think it's cool or not cool. See what I mean? I think it's a matter of conformity vs. individual preservation, if that makes any sense.
I know kids that hate anything "main-stream". Hell, I hate main-stream music because it's a majority of artists that just don't make appealing music to me (no soul, no creativity, etc.) But I also know kids that are sporting cultural characteristics that have been around for decades, even hundreds of years (and others are calling THIS "main-stream").
For example, gauges, tattoos, and dreadlocks.
I like this trio because to me, they're traditional ethnic body modifications that are very primal, coming from ages when spirituality and artistic transformation ruled, as well as drastic changes in culture, government (i.e. times when Vikings, Greeks, and Germanic tribes would sport dreads). Plus these things were practiced for religious/spiritual purposes, which I salute.
I think this shit is AWESOME.
Not because I see a hot guy with a NIN shirt with full tattoo sleeves and a septum 2ga (Still, hot guys are hot guys XD Just kiddin'.)
I don't care if these things are popular. I don't CARE what OTHER people are wearing or whatever. I care about what I look like for myself. I don't want to get a tan to get the attention of a boy at school or make the other chicks jealous. I just like colorful skin. Is that so weird? I mean I like looking at all variations of the human body, mostly because I'm an artist, and just find certain variations beautiful.
I don't even care if a future-boyfriend will disagree with me. I don't care if my friends turn up their noses at how I want to wear my body, I'm doing it for me, not them. If they're good friends they'll stick by me no matter what.
Practice individuality. I don't mean think about yourself constantly, I mean be loyal to your opinions and ideas.
If your opinion happens to be that being selfish is the way to go, you kinda suck.
If you're the only one in your circle of friends that likes...say...math class, spiders, or Justin Beiber, be proud of it. If they like all that shit too, cool, having stuff in common with people is nice. The point is no matter the peer pressure, go your own way. If everyone is going to a concert featuring a band you don't care for, you don't have to go. I've made the mistake of going to places I'm not fond of only because all my friends are there. That situation varies and that's a subject for another blog someday.
I know a lot of people are pretty steady about this, but for those of you who aren't, I advise you get crackin' on it.
I have this friend that got a tattoo. It's just a tribal animal, and it looks really nice. Simple and accents his shoulder well (and he's an athlete so he has sexy fuckin' shoulders, haha). When I asked why he got it, the reason was along the lines of, "Because not many other people get it."
At first I was like, "OH YAH! SPLITTER! DON'T CONFORM! WOO!"
But now, I just think it's silly.
I gotta tell you (yes, more ranting about tattoos), when you're going to inject a hot, inked needle into your skin to create a permanent work of body art, don't fuck around. Later on, I bet my friend will think, "What does this even mean to me?" Sure, it's still a nice design and it'll age with grace because it's in a nice location and stuff, but he might not like it later because the foundation for getting THAT design was because it wasn't common. He was more into what other people have, or don't have, than what HE thought was awesome, no mater if it's popular or not.
I'm not gonna sugar-coat this individualism thing. You're always judged, whether you like it or not and whether you KNOW it or not. People will look at you and think, "What an ugly shirt," or even, "Oh wow, what an awesome shirt."
When you want to dress for others, do it. When you want to dress for yourself, do it. Maybe even do both simultaneously.
Sometimes when I speak my opinion, I'm shot down, even by friends or family. Man, I'll be talking about something I'm really passionate about and people look at me like I'm crazy, or an idiot. It pisses me off!
I know it sucks but it's normal. Just don't let it discourage you.
And remember kiddies, treat others the way you want to be treated...even if they don't follow the treatment very well.
"Honey you don't have to impress Jamie...you just have to be yourself.
Be yourseeeeeelf, be yourseeeeelf....be your seeeeeeeeelllllllllfff."
XD
I always thought they were one of the coolest damn things a human being could wear, like gauges or tattoos.
But the thing is there's a difference between liking them because they're cool and liking them because they're cool to YOU.
Today the world is very diverse with body alterations and styles and what have you, now, there's a growing collective opinion that if it's popular, you either think it's cool or not cool. See what I mean? I think it's a matter of conformity vs. individual preservation, if that makes any sense.
I know kids that hate anything "main-stream". Hell, I hate main-stream music because it's a majority of artists that just don't make appealing music to me (no soul, no creativity, etc.) But I also know kids that are sporting cultural characteristics that have been around for decades, even hundreds of years (and others are calling THIS "main-stream").
For example, gauges, tattoos, and dreadlocks.
I like this trio because to me, they're traditional ethnic body modifications that are very primal, coming from ages when spirituality and artistic transformation ruled, as well as drastic changes in culture, government (i.e. times when Vikings, Greeks, and Germanic tribes would sport dreads). Plus these things were practiced for religious/spiritual purposes, which I salute.
I think this shit is AWESOME.
Not because I see a hot guy with a NIN shirt with full tattoo sleeves and a septum 2ga (Still, hot guys are hot guys XD Just kiddin'.)
I don't care if these things are popular. I don't CARE what OTHER people are wearing or whatever. I care about what I look like for myself. I don't want to get a tan to get the attention of a boy at school or make the other chicks jealous. I just like colorful skin. Is that so weird? I mean I like looking at all variations of the human body, mostly because I'm an artist, and just find certain variations beautiful.
I don't even care if a future-boyfriend will disagree with me. I don't care if my friends turn up their noses at how I want to wear my body, I'm doing it for me, not them. If they're good friends they'll stick by me no matter what.
Practice individuality. I don't mean think about yourself constantly, I mean be loyal to your opinions and ideas.
If your opinion happens to be that being selfish is the way to go, you kinda suck.
If you're the only one in your circle of friends that likes...say...math class, spiders, or Justin Beiber, be proud of it. If they like all that shit too, cool, having stuff in common with people is nice. The point is no matter the peer pressure, go your own way. If everyone is going to a concert featuring a band you don't care for, you don't have to go. I've made the mistake of going to places I'm not fond of only because all my friends are there. That situation varies and that's a subject for another blog someday.
I know a lot of people are pretty steady about this, but for those of you who aren't, I advise you get crackin' on it.
I have this friend that got a tattoo. It's just a tribal animal, and it looks really nice. Simple and accents his shoulder well (and he's an athlete so he has sexy fuckin' shoulders, haha). When I asked why he got it, the reason was along the lines of, "Because not many other people get it."
At first I was like, "OH YAH! SPLITTER! DON'T CONFORM! WOO!"
But now, I just think it's silly.
I gotta tell you (yes, more ranting about tattoos), when you're going to inject a hot, inked needle into your skin to create a permanent work of body art, don't fuck around. Later on, I bet my friend will think, "What does this even mean to me?" Sure, it's still a nice design and it'll age with grace because it's in a nice location and stuff, but he might not like it later because the foundation for getting THAT design was because it wasn't common. He was more into what other people have, or don't have, than what HE thought was awesome, no mater if it's popular or not.
I'm not gonna sugar-coat this individualism thing. You're always judged, whether you like it or not and whether you KNOW it or not. People will look at you and think, "What an ugly shirt," or even, "Oh wow, what an awesome shirt."
When you want to dress for others, do it. When you want to dress for yourself, do it. Maybe even do both simultaneously.
Sometimes when I speak my opinion, I'm shot down, even by friends or family. Man, I'll be talking about something I'm really passionate about and people look at me like I'm crazy, or an idiot. It pisses me off!
I know it sucks but it's normal. Just don't let it discourage you.
And remember kiddies, treat others the way you want to be treated...even if they don't follow the treatment very well.
"Honey you don't have to impress Jamie...you just have to be yourself.
Be yourseeeeeelf, be yourseeeeelf....be your seeeeeeeeelllllllllfff."
XD
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